I didn't shave. On purpose
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
