You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
