Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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