Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
