There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
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