and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
