I hate all girls vehemently.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
