I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
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I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
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Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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