well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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