Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
