thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
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In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
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I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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