I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
