Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
