Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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