is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
