I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
