I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
if only i could text you this smell
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
