Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
