i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
