it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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