So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Your cock deserves a montage
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
