Well apparently he's into motor boating.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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