just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize