8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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