Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
