Four minutes until I can fart!
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
All I want is dick and wine.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
