There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
