I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
