It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I should be sponsored by Trojan
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
