I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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