tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
These tits shall not be calmed
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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