I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
