Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
