for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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