Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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