So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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