she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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