i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
