do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
