Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
