shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
