I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
