I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize