Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Randomize
