I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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