remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
