I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
