How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
