Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
