All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
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