There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
