Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Randomize
