I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
