im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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