How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Enjoy the penises
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
