And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm going to jail i love you
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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