just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
