On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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