So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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