Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
