just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
