matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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