dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
